You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
