now i know why i became what i already was.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
