Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
