I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
