I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
