I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
