i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
