he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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