Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Alive.
So much puke
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize