You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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