I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
