Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
