So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
