If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
