this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
We need to rekindle our bromance
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
