Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
