I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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