i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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