Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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