Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So apparently I’m into choking now
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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