I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
