My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
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