We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
