After last night, I could never be a politician.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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