i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
