Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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