her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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