did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
