I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
