Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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