So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
