The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize