that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
