You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
