Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
now i know why i became what i already was.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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