direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
