i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
