I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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