Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
