Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
