I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I think I am morally bankrupt
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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