Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
