SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
