I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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