it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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