I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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