hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
