I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize