well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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