There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
