if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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