No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
