someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
