we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
