im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
