Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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