My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize