Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
