my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
pray to the hookup gods
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
