dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
