I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I am available for nakedness
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
