You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
