I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Randomize
