whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
You did what with his pubic hair?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
