I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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