Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
