She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
