i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
