Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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