I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
