theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
