i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
