Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
