His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
