went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
