Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
